Saturday, January 2, 2010

News Flash!

My replacement has taken a different job!  She leaves mid January.  
This brings quite the dilemma to my door.  Shall I offer to go back to my cozy room and set things right, or wait until my leave is over?  

Hmmmm.  When I mentioned this to family, they all gasped and looked horrified.  The following are some of the more frequently expressed comments from my loved ones.

Are you kidding?  
You still haven't recovered from the last two years!  
You are not!
That job about killed you!
You work for such a screwed up district, how can you even consider going back?
You don't have a chance of working things out there.  Your administration doesn't like you.
There is more to these decisions than money. (this from Hub after I said the money is good and I miss it)

In the midst of this news I have this great discussion with Foodie and the mother of his child (the most beautiful baby on earth) about some great income generating foodie ideas and think if I went back to work I could just give them all the money I earn so they could start up and be self sufficient.  More gasps from the family.  This sent me into a funk.  I want to be able to be that kind of parent. I don't need to research and make my kid submit a business plan.  Foodie and the mother of my grandchild have detailed plans about all sorts of foodie possibilities.  She has a degree in finance and squirrels away money like nobody I have ever known.  These comments killed my buzz and made me realize that I am surrounded by family from a very different cloth.  Where is the bolt of fabric I really came from?

Anyway, I come back from Vermont and see that the posting for my position closed at 4:00 December 23.  I have not found anyone who knows if someone within the district snagged it or not.  I am losing sleep.

So I ask myself.  Am I ready to go back?  I get a stomach ache when I think about it.
Will I ever be ready to go back?
I received all my school board information and will have the opportunity to run in a year.  Could run now, but the deadlines are too close and I would have to officially resign.  And that brings up another point.

Why am I still nervous about officially resigning?  Grief, dear readers, grief.

So, as of January 4th I will be seeking out a good therapist who will listen, take the time to know me and understand me, and not let me get away with any shit.  I am smart in therapy and it takes a real sharpie to make me face the realities of myself and not allow my spin of the day to distract him/her.

And if that is not enough to consider... Harvard is developing a new Ed.L.D program that is free and lasts three years, and is all about school reform!  I am so interested and am hoping for more information soon.  I may have missed the deadlines, but that fantasy is keeping me going for now.

I don't sit with no plan easily.  Maybe I just need to allow myself that.  


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Although I am dangerously opinionated, I am a flexible thinker and welcome your thoughts.