Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Thankful Even Though.....

So sorry it has been so long since I last posted.  I have been pondering.

University called stating that I will get a full refund.  However, that has not shown up yet.
One professor really wants me to come back.  Free of charge.  Just to be there to share and contribute.  Nice guy.  Nice offer.  Nice vote of confidence.  Much appreciated.  Not gonna happen.  I think the snitch is in that class.

At this moment in time, and I emphasize THIS MOMENT, I have come to the conclusion that I don't have what it takes to become a school administrator.  And here is why.  I have a brain.  I use my brain.  I am a free thinker.  I care about people's feelings. I care about working conditions.  I am interested in the highest quality of performance.  I hate suits and I refuse to wear panty hose and pumps.  I prefer a backpack over a brief case.  I don't think I could defend a crappy teacher. I know I would die, go to jail, or get fired for a good teacher.

As I mentioned earlier, I sat in my classes with many (far too many) stupid people who I know with certainty would be hired as administrators before I ever got an interview.  

Thanksgiving brought many troubling variable into my life.  My niece came home from college weighing under 100 pounds.  Very scary.  At bedtime and in private, Superman asked what happened to her face.  I explained anorexia as best I could to a 10 year old with autism and he said her could fix her by getting into her brain and yelling louder than her anorexia voice, "It's OK to eat!  Have a brownie!  It won't hurt you!"  Well said, Superman.  I love your heart. Anyway, she did not go back to her college.  She is in day treatment.  I love her so.

My father was also diagnosed Sunday evening with lymphoma.  The doc actually showed up at their house at 8 PM to tell him in person.  Gotta love that.  We have oncology appointments starting next week.  I will be in attendance.  With questions.  With a notebook for recording.  With a box of tissues for my mother.   Cripes, this is going to be a tough winter.

Last Tuesday I took some Lego and an electronic car building kit to two of my students in need.  I had cleaned out my own kiddos' closets and lightened the load.  I dropped said items off in principal's office suggesting she just hand the goods off to the boys right before they got into their cab for home. (Yes, I said cab.  They are so rambunctious the bus is problematic and innocents were getting hurt.)  Principal was very excited and grabbed the phone quickly to call the boys in to her office so they could see me.  It was a great little reunion. I visited my colleagues for a bit in the lounge and left feeling warm and fuzzy. And then the call came.  At 4 that afternoon, I get a call from principal who was stammering and apologizing for having to make this call....but she was asking that I not bring my kids gifts any more.  What the hell!!!!!  Something is up and I think it has to do with my replacement's insecurity and cold, cold heart.  I felt really gross after that call.  Like I did something wrong.  Like I crossed a boundary.  So I pondered.  I fumed.  I ranted.  And by this morning I realize my principal is young, impulsive and not sure of how to handle many situations.  Also, thinking this is perhaps yet another two by four over the head as I was considering going back to my room next fall and make it work.  
Thank you Universe.  I received that message loud and clear.

Watch for more posts this week regarding best practice thoughts I am having.  Need to get them a bit clearer in my head before I subject you to my radical ideas.

The good news is that my first grand baby is due any time now and I can hardly wait!  The cycle of life continues.  We keep insisting on survival of our species despite war, global warming, the slow death of the Arctic Circle, financial crisis, mean people doing mean things.

Now that evening is dark so early, take time to be still and ponder. I find a bowl of a variety of chocolates nearby helps.