Whew!

Sorry I have been out of it for so long.  That certainly was not my intention or preference.  


As mentioned before, Movie Man was having a most challenging transition to middle school and Superman was presenting a bit more aggression than usual and was expressing some new found emotions.  I have a real love-hate relationship with Superman evolving.  You gotta take the good with the bad and as he claws through another layer of Autism (which I love), he has so much to process and put in some sort of order. It usually is not a pretty transition (which I hate).


Now let's move on to my career change.  LOVING IT!  Love, love, love it.  What the hell was all my fuss about?  No, let's not go there.


I am having a blast teaching advanced methods to seniors ready to student teach next semester.  I was nervous for the first few weeks as I was not teaching as I noted some of my peers were.  They are way in the world of academia and research and I am.... well, I am not.  At first I felt really self conscious (although I have total autonomy), I was nervous that I wasn't brainy enough.  I took a long hard look at most of my fellow professors and thought about what they offered and where they came from, how much public school teaching they had done before becoming tenure track professors.  


And I concluded that what I have to offer is of incredible value.  18 years of real experience in the trenches.  with real kids, in real situations, with real teachers, with real parents, with real frustrations.  That knowledge base is irreplaceable. And the whole point of making this career change is to make a difference in the way special education teachers in training are trained, to offer up some real strategies and stories that will empower new teachers as they enter this incredible profession. 


OK, PLUS, I want to make sure that my own kiddos have a better chance of always landing in good special ed programs.  I am that controlling, yes, I am.


Anyway, I am having a blast doing it my way.  And the feedback from my students has been incredible.  They express gratitude every single day.  They are relieved.  They are hungry to better understand, to fill their bags of tricks with good stuff that works, to be given permission to cut loose, follow their instincts.


They are even beginning to embrace my goal for them to become independent thinkers, to question research based methods, to expose themselves to the vast amounts of great information and resources, and to throw out what they don't want to use and embrace trying new things and making it work for each and every one of their students.


I am also so adoring being a student teacher supervisor.  It is a great form of voyeurism, no?  I get to sit in a variety of classrooms in a variety of school districts and just sit and watch, and then I get to process it all with my very talented student teachers.  One placement is dreadful with a capital D.  It has been a blast to work through it with my student teacher, to empower her, to help her in ways her cooperating teacher is not.   I love watching the kiddos in each placement, learning how different districts offer different solutions for all sorts of issues and challenges every district faces.  


I think what I want to do with this blog is to chat with you all about what I am seeing and how we are all finding solutions.  I also hope that you all will comment as we go along and that you will let me know what you think is most important for teachers in training to understand before they student teach.


It's good.  Really good.

A New Year, A New Role

I now have one 2 hour class session and one 2 hour student teacher meeting under my belt.


And I believe I am in love.


I believe I made the right choice.
I know I made the right choice.


I wasn't so sure while I was in syllabus writing hell.  And it was hell.  


The last few weeks have allowed me to make some great and noteworthy observations.  Although not new to these sorts of observations, I still found them worth pondering.


1.  When you are new to an organization, members of that organization make a lot of incorrect assumptions about what you know and who you know.


2.  When you are new to an organization and have questions, and feel some urgency about getting answers,  the peeps already familiar don't feel your same urgency and because they are really busy getting the school year under way they don't respond in a timely manner... if they respond at all.


3.  It's scary starting anew, but man, is it exhilarating!


4.  We are not doing a good job in teacher training programs.  The students are starved for relevant information, practical strategies.  Theory only takes you so far.


5.  After gathering information about student needs, I realize the original timeline and topics to be explored need adjusting.  I feel very strongly about giving my students what they need.  They know where they feel unprepared.  They know what they need to become effective teachers working with their preferred population.  Well, they sort of know.  How can they really know?


6. Training students to become independent thinkers and inquisitive learners when they are used to simply getting assignments done so they can  check them off the to-do list is going to be no easy task.


7.  I love having a captive audience!  My goodness, isn't it great to be able to finally tell it like it really is and hope to effect some change in practice, philosophy and beliefs?


I am looking so forward to a weekend full of planning.  


I have a renewed hope about what I can do on behalf of kids.  I was so afraid I would not feel this way once I left my direct service role.


Whew!  

And the Decision Has Been Made......

Well, sort of.


I know all of you patient readers are sick, sick, sick of my fence sitting and angst.  


I received an informal email offer to teach two sections of an advanced methods course and do some supervising of practicum and student teachers next year by a nearby university.  No contract yet, but I am penciled in for these assignments.  I have agreed to the assignment in another informal email.  I am good with the informality but have not resigned from my EBD teaching position yet.


Why not?  Well, I love the security of having that contract and EBD teacher assignment in my hand.  But I think I have processed a good part of the grief.  I think I am ready to move out of EBDland and into a new place in my career.  I think I am ready.  I think.....


It will be great to pass the baton, to impart all my EBDland wisdom to special education teacher wannabes, to tell my tales, to hold them to a high standard of performance, to expect nothing but the best from them, to not inflate grades or pass them on if I don't think they are ready.  It will be great.  


Right?


Won't it?

Which Bus is the Clue Bus?

Oh Dear.   
I am once again in a quandary.  Since our trip to NY and VT, I have had a horrible time getting motivated to do any school work.  It feels like torture.  I am trying to figure out if I shouldn't be doing this, or if I should be doing this, but while doing it, take note and commit to not inflicting bullshit busy work on others.


Here are the the items on my to do list:

• Values timesheet... log what I am doing every minute of every day for a week, match each activity with one of 125 values listed, look for patterns and strive for balance. Then reflect and determine if I am  spending enough time on what I value.  DUH!  I am a parent of two special ed kids, taking too many classes. What I value is napping, reading for pleasure, loving up my kids instead of riding them about homework.
• Take personality type inventory. It turns out I am an INFJ.
• Write a 2 page philosophy paper.  OK, I have written about 100 of these in my career.
• Do another case study and cite theorists in APA style.  I am horrible at that!
• Email my part of the strategic planning project.  OK, this one is a really stupid assignment. I already did one like this when getting my alternative ed project.  We pretend we have all we need and design a school....  Which might be useful if it required real, dig down deep information gathering and  practical research based information.  But, no, we just skim the surface and have no obstacles to work through.  My kids could do this!  It is just busy work.
• Study leadership theorists in prep for the final exam/case scenario.
• Turn in a final 250 word philosophy paper for another class.
• Write a two page paper expressing my beliefs about school choice.
• Complete my budget planning project.... tailored to building principals, not special ed personnel.
• Write a collective bargaining paper based on a neighboring school district's contract.
• Schedule social thinking therapy for Superman
• Find a therapist for Movie Man who seems to be in some sort of pre-adolescence, significant LD awareness, need to control something in my life phase.
• research and order diapers and diaper covers for grandchild
• Figure out math tutoring for Movie Man

I am getting sick, so have no energy and, really, when you look at the list above, none of what I am being asked to do has any relevance to what is important in school leadership.  It is very disheartening.

So, I get this interesting message from a neighboring university.  They need student teacher supervisors next semester!  I so badly want to do this!  I so want this to turn into teaching a university class or two.  If that came to be, I would drop this administrative licensure crap instantly and find a doctoral program and work on my true passions while doing university work part time.

As I watch for clue busses, one drove by last night while in a conversation with a dear friend and colleague.  I will end today's entry with her direct quote.

"Liberty Rose, you are so not an administrator.  You don't fit in with all the stupidity that goes on. You have strong opposing opinions and you will be fired within your first year!  What are you thinking?  You need to teach teachers in training!"