And the Decision Has Been Made......

Well, sort of.


I know all of you patient readers are sick, sick, sick of my fence sitting and angst.  


I received an informal email offer to teach two sections of an advanced methods course and do some supervising of practicum and student teachers next year by a nearby university.  No contract yet, but I am penciled in for these assignments.  I have agreed to the assignment in another informal email.  I am good with the informality but have not resigned from my EBD teaching position yet.


Why not?  Well, I love the security of having that contract and EBD teacher assignment in my hand.  But I think I have processed a good part of the grief.  I think I am ready to move out of EBDland and into a new place in my career.  I think I am ready.  I think.....


It will be great to pass the baton, to impart all my EBDland wisdom to special education teacher wannabes, to tell my tales, to hold them to a high standard of performance, to expect nothing but the best from them, to not inflate grades or pass them on if I don't think they are ready.  It will be great.  


Right?


Won't it?

Note Changes!

To my few loyal readers.  


In the last few days or so I have experienced some angst filled hours.  Sitting in my skin uncomfortably.  Wondering why things weren't fitting.  An inner voice screaming at me, but the harder I listened the fainter the voice got.  Some really intense and strange dreams that stay with me all day.  Some really great conversations with friends, old and new that reminded me who I am.


Note, readers, that some things have changed on this page.  Since its beginning a month ago it has become quite obvious this blog needs to morph into my real voice, my true heart, explore the personal as well as the professional.  I cannot carry on without really exploring the personal, and stupidly, at the onset I thought I could.  So, each entry was a struggle to stay professional enough, to stay on education based topic.  


Well, this blog is taking on a different voice.  My professional is very personal. My personal wraps around my professional.  This journey would not be complete without real personal reflection (yeah, I am sick of that word too).  Not just the relatively tame personal reflective bullshit I was spitting out before, but the real gut wrenching, goofy, eating fried things dipped in chocolate because I am in such turmoil about so many things stuff... all the professional and personal gunk that makes up my life.  


I have taken control again.  I have made accommodations in my course work.  I am adapting assignments to fit MY needs.  And get this.  I am not even asking for permission from my professors.  I am just handing the stuff in and hoping for the best, suspecting I will get the worst.  It's OK.  I am doing all of this for me, so it better be more about me.


I have nothing to prove.  I am tired of dancing around incompetent, inexperienced colleagues and administrators who negatively impact my life.  Public education has become a model of mediocrity for a reason.  I am a mad mom, a mad teacher, and mad tax payer.  I celebrate the good stuff.  I do.  But the negative stuff has way too big a voice.  We need to get this right.  I need to get right with myself.  


So, enjoy the new voice.  If you don't enjoy it, please don't feel compelled to keep checking in.