And One More For My Bag of Affirmations

OK, last night was lovely.  I had a great session with my therapist about my kids and then met a wonderful friend for  a long dinner over a bottle of wine and some fondue.  We talked about my decision to leave EBDland and try working with teachers in training.  I expressed I was feeling quite certain and the thought of running for the local school board is sooo sweet for so many vengeful reasons.


Today I get up and do all the things I do after sending Movie Man off to summer school.  There was very little drama today.  Thank. You. Universe!


I carry a cup of heavily creamed java to my bedroom, crawl back in bed and read a novel.  I won't lie.  I dozed.  Right after lunch it was off to Social Thinkers Group with Superman.  


And then I bumped into a fellow special education teacher over the bin of potatoes at the neighborhood grocery.  I love this woman.  She saved Superman this year.  A remarkable teacher.  Anyway, she shared with me that the very special education administrator that caused all my pain and suffering is being reassigned back to the very schools that they took her out of last year.


And that is when the always- there- but- dormant- for- the- day- stuff boiled up and over.  I mean from deep down under the extra three rolls of fat I am storing around my belly.  It stabs and claws its way up through my heart, spins around my brain, snags on emotions, and implants rage.  Angry hot rage that I cannot let go of without a xanax.  


What the fuck.  Sorry, but what the fuck?  I am experiencing such a huge disconnect.  Someone please help me out here.  


This woman is mean, worthless, has no real experience, no useful knowledge base and is hurtful.  She is also stupid.  Yet she sits in a nice office, pulls in a great salary, and goes through each and every day believing she is good at what she does.  Since she still has her job, any outsider would assume she has it because she is effective, knowledgeable, and real leadership material.


But she is not!  She is not.  She is not. 


And here is what scares me.  The remarkable teacher who saved Superman this year wants to leave her position at Superman's school to avoid being victimized again by the particular administrator.


This is wrong.  So very wrong.


I am outraged at the injustice of this.


I am really so tired of the world as it is.  I don't feel there is any hope.


...........but I have one more affirmation in my bag that leaving is the right thing to do.


And I just feel sick tonight.