Sad State of Affairs, Personal, Local and Otherwise

Wow.  What a weekend.  Unmedicated Movie Man was quite the trip as he tried to get his biography done.  His wonderful teacher allowed him to put it in movie format, but unmedicated he got so distracted by every single flashy phase in and out, spinning words and photos, sound effects that after three hours he still had only one frame done.  GRRRR!
Anyway, it was done by 9 PM Sunday evening.... and this is after sitting with him one-on-one, lots of yelling, bribery, snacks and breaks.... Anyone else living like this?  How do you do it??


I am so distracted by what is going on in public education this morning that I cannot think straight.  So pardon my babbling.


I simply do not understand how our federal government can continue to spend billions on bailing out car makers, bankers, insurance companies and also pay for a war that will net no outcome worth the billions (not to forget the lives!) spent, and NOT throw some well deserved money at struggling school districts.  I just don't get it.  I thought this administration understood the importance of education?  I voted for this administration.  I want a call from the White House.  I want to talk to Arnie and then to the President.  I will spare you what I would say as you all would say the very same things.


I have been filling my hours in immobilizing angst.  Although I signed my contract to go back next year, I am not sure I can do it.


Here is the latest report from my old room.


Two of the most damaged kiddos rebelled horrifically to the points and levels.  One is now starting fires at home and suspensions for the year have exceeded 20 days ( this is a 5th grader, people!).  One is out until midnight every night and cannot function at school... has done ZERO school work all year. this is not an exaggeration.  Nothing.


OK, so are the adults rethinking how they are treating the kids?  Are the adults at school rethinking their methodologies?
Oh, they are!  The district hired another educational assistant to be one-on-one with one of the boys to keep the two apart! Can you stand it?


They did not adjust any other variable.  They did not get rid of the points or levels.  They did not suspend the academics and provide activities that help kids like them get re-regulated.  They did not try to build relationships.  They did not rearrange the daily schedule to ensure those two kids got what they needed so they could then even entertain the idea that school might be an OK place to  be for 7 hours a day.


Nope, what they did was put 100% onus on the children to be different and to conform.  The kids pushed back and won.  Another year lost.  Now they both face alternative placements in self contained programs made of much of the same.


Another kiddo who lived in an incredibly abusive home... I  mean horrific.... was removed over the summer and is doing really well!  He is happy, productive.


But guess what?  Social Services is putting him back with his mother!!!  This woman is mentally ill, mean, evil, and there is no way she is ready to have her kids back.  She gets a large chunk of cash when the kids live with her, so she is motivated to play the game with those fat SSI checks dangled in front of her.


One of my girls is growing a mustache.... yep.... she always said she wanted to be a boy.  I have had concerns about her all along as she lives in a bazaar world and knows not fantasy from reality.  Her mother is as nuts and I wonder now if this poor girl's gender identity issues are at the root of it all.  There is no way her mother will ever have an open discussion about her daughter.  With anyone.


But the worst of it all is that poor Aunt Sally sits unused in the corner of the room.  For a whole year.  A wonderful, proven useful and therapeutic tool sits unused for a whole year... while kids are screaming for alternative methodologies, there Aunt Sally sits.  Powerless to help.


As am I.

Consideration Still in the Works

I had a lovely lunch yesterday with a great teacher friend who has supportively ridden in my roller coaster car.  We discussed all angles of the new quandary.  My replacement has taken a new position within the district and leaves at semester.  The position was posted, and let me tell you, seeing that posting was really emotional for me.


For two reasons.


 First, it was posted as a one semester only.  Which means they really are holding that job for me for the fall.  They are operating on the belief that I will be surely be back in the fall.  That is the intent.  Sort of.  But as time goes on, I am less and less attached to that job.  Time lessens the grief, the loss.  Time allows for the psyche to adjust. Then posting closed on December 23 at 4:00.  No takers.  Surprise, surprise, surprise.


Second, my students will go through yet another teacher.  So by the end of the year they will have had 2 EBD teachers this year, three EBD teachers in the last 2 years.  That would not be so bad, as kids are very resilient, but the teaching styles are so extreme opposite that will impede any gains on the EBD playing field.  They have gone from psycho-educational approach with heart and celebration to extreme structure, behavior modification, token economies and point systems with no celebration to who knows what is next?  
Those of us in the field know that those sorts of changes at that rate will further exacerbate negative behaviors.  


Which brings me to GUILT.  Yes, I feel horrible guilt about all of this.  I am disappointed in myself for not being able to stay in the game and for thinking I could become and administrator and change the world.  Stupid, stupid girl.  So, because of my thinking errors, students are facing some difficult adjustments.  This makes me no better than all the administrators I have no respect for.


Back to lunch date with great friend.... I casually said that I was considering going back.  She just looked at me a second and said, "That never occurred to me.  Why would you do that?" 
 Interesting, don't you think?


I bumped into another teacher at the grocery store who is friends with Replacement Teacher (RT).  I mentioned I heard RT was leaving at semester.  This teacher's response was one of complete support for RT.  RT wants to be a guidance counselor.  She has waited a long time for this.  I do actually agree that she should have jumped on this opportunity.  Then the teacher said she felt the kids were in a really good place and would be fine.


Now this perception was interesting. I had four very interesting chats with teacher friends over break.  Every one of them mentioned the frustration they were feeling with the lack of effectiveness of RT.  They asked me for specific advice regarding specific student and behaviors.  They are feeling very unsupported.  Interestingly enough, I found out the grocery store teacher has no EBD students in her room this year... so how would she even know?


Lesson learned... actually lesson learning.  I have yet to fully internalize it.  Anyway, lesson here is that we all have unique perceptions.  We put our own spins on those perceptions.  If I ever do become a leader, I must remember that.  And really, who am I to call somebody out for their perceptions?


OK STOP. 


 I didn't really mean that last line.  In my areas of expertise (which, honestly, is practically in everything) I am queen and my perceptions and spins rule.


So, longer story shorter, when I really ponder the option of going back to my job in two weeks, I feel sick.  I feel overwhelmed.  My gut is screaming, "NO!"


I need to be available for my kids, my parents as my father goes through a winter of chemo, my grandson who is way too far away.
And I need to be there for me.  I need to take time to make a solid plan based on walking my talk in education. 
This is very uncomfortable for me.


So, I wait to hear form Harvard regarding their new doctoral program...wouldn't that be fun to say, "Yeah, I am in a Harvard doctoral education leadership program"?


So, for today I need to find a therapist for myself as well as one for Movie Man.  I need to exercise (nothing too strenuous, people) and sneak in a yummy nap.


Tomorrow I will address an education issue I have been pondering for a bit.